Helping the schools better understand adoptive children

Helping school systems better understand your child’s adoption experience in their home country prior to bringing them home is helpful.  Set up a meeting with the school system to explain what the child has experienced and what you think is going to be needed is important. Educators do not receive any classes in college on any kind of adoption.  If you feel the school really does not understand you may want to bring in your social worker from your adoption agency or someone else that can communicate the needs of the child.

Many times, school systems think that the parents are not understanding the needs of the child because they are the educators and know better the process of children learning more than parents. However, most educators do not have much experience working with adoptive children to fully understand the needs of the child.   As parents, we need to keep informing them.   But be aware that many times they will not listen.  Keep telling them over and over again.  One parent told a guidance counselor the child’s story every time there was a problem. The guidance counselor said you have already told me this three times and the parent stated clearly you still do not understand my child’s experience so I will continue to tell you until you understand what my child went through so you can have some compassion.

Many times the educators make assumptions based on their knowledge of adoption from what they have heard or read.   Similarly, a survey conducted by Adoption UK (2014) found that 65% of parents felt that the school or teacher did not understand the impact of adoption on their child. Consequently, it can have a negative outcome for the child in school.

However, that does not mean the school or teacher will not try to understand the child’s experiences.  As parents with adopted children, we need to always communicate with the school or teacher how the child’s background impacts the child in class.  Many times the teachers really don’t understand how simple words can impact your child negatively.  Such as do you know your real mother or father?  Where is your real family?  Do you know why your parents gave you up?

Ultimately, you as the parents need to educate the educators.  You need to explain that we talk about the child’s forever home and the child had a plan to be adopted.  The child was not given up or given away the child had a plan to be adopted.